Tuesday, June 29, 2004
MY IDEA OF A REAL MAN BABY!
The following are photos and comments to the loves I never had, who never touched me physically, but delighted my sensory mind from afar nonetheless~!!xoxoxooxox~~~....
Now here we go! What better way to get to know "real men" but to watch "GIDGET" as it reruns on ch. 11, 5, 9 and 13 until the end of time????? This movie was made in '59 with James Darren and Cliff Robertson. It starred Sandra Dee in the starring role. It was about a childish, short dork virgin girl who didnt have the sense to double-team two HOT guys on the beaches of Southern California. Um hm, yessss..thats what it was rrrreally about. This girl was the same in real life.. so innocent, being molested by her dad, she is now presently a lesbian, still cute as a button. Move over Gidge.. it takes a REAL WOMAN to have two real men like these hotties in this lovely eye catching movie, and I won't let EITHER one of them get away. From Darren's dark italian young looks, to Robertsons brooding older guy loner demeanor.. I ain't gonna be just WRITIN' in my fuckin diary THIS Summer!!! lololololol!!!
I know ya'll gonna make fun of me already.. so mock me all you want..but I cannot EXPLAIN my attraction to John (cougar) Mellencamp. It happened back in the early 80's, when I heard him croon in that sultry, lilting voice, about how it HURT so Good. I was hooked. He had everything that makes me crazy about a man. Talent, down to earth characteristics, realism, loyalty, and even looks. Ok, so he wasnt that TALL.. he was actually pretty short.. and in some pics he has really long hair and looks almost girlish. Theres a magnetism and profundity about his countenance that drives me crazy. Its what I look for in people. Its what I consider a "real man". I can't explain it (altho I think I tried to.. lolol) but that man is so fucking sexy I can't stand it. Granted, now he's literally a cadaver, and his choice of home states REALLY REEKS (altho I heard they have Starbucks in Indiana) but then..he was always traveling.. so how often was he in INDIANA ANYWAY?!??!???? lol. This man is what I look for..as far as magnetism goes.. it can exist in any look.. but goddamn.. he epitomizes it in some odd way. He ruled me during the 80s..but I finally grew away.. he'll always have a place in a strange part of my soul.. and I still don't even know where that is anyway or why I like him so much. Must be a past life thang....... (following is a short pictorial on him)
Here was one of my childhood fantasies believe it or not! The train carbeds scene in "some like it hot" with Jack Lemmon and Marilyn. Oh Jesus .. if I had been there.. even in full drag Jack wouldnt have made it out of the bed! LOLOLOLOL!!! That scene inflamed my senses and invoked such longing of "memorable clinchs" WOW.. all I can say is.. with those looks and that personality.. Jack Lemmon would have NEVER been safe around ME.
Monday, June 28, 2004
Altho at times I considered Pete, my love for Ben wins out every time.. Mmmm... oh yessss..1971 was a very good yr for alias smith and jones, this western starring the hottie BEN MURPHEY (idol!) and pete duel (who later commmited suicide and they had to replace him with some dick who was once married to Jaclyn Smith). My FAV western tv show and the reason why I like any western at all!!! I love PISCEAN ben murphy and for yrs thought him as my soulmate. Altho too damn gorgeous in those days, he's aged horrifically, now doing theater as the CRYPT KEEPER. What else? I love him tho!!!!!! (why do I feel 15 as I relate all the loves of my life? LOL)
Friday, June 25, 2004
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
The power of Water
Its important that you read the book "The Hidden Messages in Water". The book illustrates an eye-opening theory showing how water is deeply connected to people's individual and collective consciousness. Drawing from his own research, scientific researcher, healer, and popular lecturer Dr. Masaru Emoto describes the ability of water to absorb, hold, and even retransmit human feelings and emotions. Using high-speed photography, he found that crystals formed in frozen water reveal changes when specific, concentrated thoughts are directed toward it.
Music, visual images, words written on paper, and photographs also have an impact on the crystal structure. Emoto theorizes that since water has the ability to receive a wide range of frequencies, it can also reflect the universe in this manner. He found that water from clear springs and water exposed to loving words shows brilliant, complex, and colorful snowflake patterns, while polluted water and water exposed to negative thoughts forms incomplete, asymmetrical patterns with dull colors. Emoto believes that since people are 70 percent water, and the Earth is 70 percent water, we can heal our planet and ourselves by consciously expressing love and goodwill.
Imagine this, before we came into this physical bodies, As a living cell, we started out as 99% water, as a fetus and then a baby as 90% water. As adult we become 70 percent water, then when you get older you become 50 % water.
The photographs in the book shows amazing results. Water is a living, breathing energy and can absorb information by thoughts, It can also read and listen to music.
They did so many tests in their experiments and as a result
hundreds of families throughout japan conducted the same experiment. One family tried a variation of the experiment like the others, they said "Thank you" and "I love you, We appreciate you" to a bottle of rice. They also said bad words to another bottle of rice and ignored another bottle. The results were again the same. The bottle of rice that was ignored was actually damaged and rotted before the ones that were ridiculed.
To give your positive or negative attention to something is a way of giving energy. The most damaging form of behavior is withholding your attention.
I think that this experiment has the potential to teach us a very
important lesson. We must take care to give our children and other people our attention. Talk with them. Speak words of kindness. Love should begin from the time of conception.
Treating your houseplants gently, looking on them kindly and speaking words of praise will help make them healthy and alive. This also applies to pets, insects and other living things. We are all made of water.
Please read this book. We need to start respecting our natural
resources.The memory of life arrived on this earth carried by the soul of the water. Water retains information and turns into gas as it goes to the cosmos and then back to our planet.
I myself have always been aware of the healing and manifesting abilities of water. Whenever I seriously want to manifest someone or something in my life, I write out a specific "intention" and speak it aloud in or near water. Water is an amplifying device or medium, as is a crystal. Water will amplify your request and boom it out into the Universe. The Universe has only one order, and that is to follow your command and give you exactly what you request.
Music, visual images, words written on paper, and photographs also have an impact on the crystal structure. Emoto theorizes that since water has the ability to receive a wide range of frequencies, it can also reflect the universe in this manner. He found that water from clear springs and water exposed to loving words shows brilliant, complex, and colorful snowflake patterns, while polluted water and water exposed to negative thoughts forms incomplete, asymmetrical patterns with dull colors. Emoto believes that since people are 70 percent water, and the Earth is 70 percent water, we can heal our planet and ourselves by consciously expressing love and goodwill.
Imagine this, before we came into this physical bodies, As a living cell, we started out as 99% water, as a fetus and then a baby as 90% water. As adult we become 70 percent water, then when you get older you become 50 % water.
The photographs in the book shows amazing results. Water is a living, breathing energy and can absorb information by thoughts, It can also read and listen to music.
They did so many tests in their experiments and as a result
hundreds of families throughout japan conducted the same experiment. One family tried a variation of the experiment like the others, they said "Thank you" and "I love you, We appreciate you" to a bottle of rice. They also said bad words to another bottle of rice and ignored another bottle. The results were again the same. The bottle of rice that was ignored was actually damaged and rotted before the ones that were ridiculed.
To give your positive or negative attention to something is a way of giving energy. The most damaging form of behavior is withholding your attention.
I think that this experiment has the potential to teach us a very
important lesson. We must take care to give our children and other people our attention. Talk with them. Speak words of kindness. Love should begin from the time of conception.
Treating your houseplants gently, looking on them kindly and speaking words of praise will help make them healthy and alive. This also applies to pets, insects and other living things. We are all made of water.
Please read this book. We need to start respecting our natural
resources.The memory of life arrived on this earth carried by the soul of the water. Water retains information and turns into gas as it goes to the cosmos and then back to our planet.
I myself have always been aware of the healing and manifesting abilities of water. Whenever I seriously want to manifest someone or something in my life, I write out a specific "intention" and speak it aloud in or near water. Water is an amplifying device or medium, as is a crystal. Water will amplify your request and boom it out into the Universe. The Universe has only one order, and that is to follow your command and give you exactly what you request.
Monday, June 21, 2004
Earth angel..earth angel.. pLLLLLEEEASE be mmmmine.....my darlin dear.. love me all the time...
The weekend was a bust for most of it.. but Sunday took a philosophical upswing with a few nice men making me feel a whole lot better on the phone. Thanks goddess for them, or the night would have ended capped off as a monotonous disaster. I am glad for them. I am!
Saturday, June 19, 2004
I was so exhausted last night
That when I got home, I went to bed and crashed. The next time I woke up, the next day, it was 11am. I knew the DSL guy was coming after 1pm sometime.. so I had my alarm set already. Just as I predicted, he found nothing wrong with my DSL. Gee, I should have bet money on that. I was so correct. That did not, however, help my situatino of not having cable for weeks on end.
Now Im tired again.. and its almost 7pm.. The movie Bladerunner is on..and has been playing in the background.. its a weird movie and I never see the whole thing. All's I's knows, is the last time I saw it, it was 1986 and some guy I briefly dated kept calling sean young's character "pretty", but in a real creepy voice. Kinda like Vinnie on Howards show. This was Kevins fav movie. Wherever he is now..who the hell knows. He fancied himself a photographer. also, all's I's knows, is that in this movie, this was the LAST TIME Harrison Ford was ever goodlooking. He looks like a death warmed over corpse these days. I visited my sisters at the shop, returned some pants, worked out a little, thought of calling Jeff in S.C... then wondered why it was always up to me to call him, so fluffed it off. He really should call me, so that I don't feel like Im doing all the work again. All the thoughtfulness. I don't know what sort of PLANS that man has in for me.. but he's not getting anywhere as long as he stays cheap, thoughtless and depriving me of the amount of thoughtfulness and care I require. He laughs a lot at my jokes, but if he thinks Im the sort of person who will change my mind and think cheap is it for me, he's gonna wake up to reality really FAST. I take care of myself now, and look out for myself now, as I didnt really feel I was doing that before. I need to have my needs met, if I ever want to be with anyone again.
Meantime.. all the dregs of huMANity.. have been messaging me and losing out on becoming my lifelong friend. One guy claimed he'd meet me, and has put me on hold. I DID get a sign about him, and I was so pissed when I heard it, and talked to him about it (something about his having loved asians and I thought it was an asian fetish) I DIDNT want to be with someone like THAT.. and he tried to force me to believe I was wrong. Well now look.. he hasnt even been online for a week or more, and I was right about it. My guides always look out for me. I should have just deleted his name from my buddylist..he like a slick salesman, is too far away and too filled with fibs to ever take seriously. I am tired of waiting for fun to happen. Why SHOULD I? Lifes too short!
Then this new age guy who CLAIMS not to be new age, and talks about nothing but GOD AND THE LORD AND ONENESS was messaging me a lot about that. Its always a turn off when I get that. Im more metaphysical than ANYONE I know, but I don't go around proselytizing about GOD and the lord and oneness till I want to excrete. This is ridiculous. We all know GOD is GOOD..even tho most people don't know really what GOD is.. thats why so many people are hooked into churches and religions..pass the basket and leave a donation..because youre doing it for GOD..and by the way, can I molest your little boy??? Wheres the priest when you need him.. molesting someone. This guy wasnt religious, but he SURE SOUNDS IT. Which was a huge turn off to me. I am the only one, too, that I know that has had a full blown out spiritual vision..when I was 12, but I certainly am a level headed and down to earth person.. Im not up in the clouds like someone bi polar. My moods are pretty even. As they say, even Jesus had a temper tantrum, he was not perfect.. but then that is because he got so pissed off at the hedonists he found doing everything they werent supposed to do! hahaha.... Everyones a loon, it seems. and yet..and yet..they want to be with someone..and are with noone. I do not want a commmitment as of yet.. but I certainly admit it.
So I blew those men off..because they are freaks and cowards. I have no space in my life.. for a moment!!! For.. a coward.
Now Im tired again.. and its almost 7pm.. The movie Bladerunner is on..and has been playing in the background.. its a weird movie and I never see the whole thing. All's I's knows, is the last time I saw it, it was 1986 and some guy I briefly dated kept calling sean young's character "pretty", but in a real creepy voice. Kinda like Vinnie on Howards show. This was Kevins fav movie. Wherever he is now..who the hell knows. He fancied himself a photographer. also, all's I's knows, is that in this movie, this was the LAST TIME Harrison Ford was ever goodlooking. He looks like a death warmed over corpse these days. I visited my sisters at the shop, returned some pants, worked out a little, thought of calling Jeff in S.C... then wondered why it was always up to me to call him, so fluffed it off. He really should call me, so that I don't feel like Im doing all the work again. All the thoughtfulness. I don't know what sort of PLANS that man has in for me.. but he's not getting anywhere as long as he stays cheap, thoughtless and depriving me of the amount of thoughtfulness and care I require. He laughs a lot at my jokes, but if he thinks Im the sort of person who will change my mind and think cheap is it for me, he's gonna wake up to reality really FAST. I take care of myself now, and look out for myself now, as I didnt really feel I was doing that before. I need to have my needs met, if I ever want to be with anyone again.
Meantime.. all the dregs of huMANity.. have been messaging me and losing out on becoming my lifelong friend. One guy claimed he'd meet me, and has put me on hold. I DID get a sign about him, and I was so pissed when I heard it, and talked to him about it (something about his having loved asians and I thought it was an asian fetish) I DIDNT want to be with someone like THAT.. and he tried to force me to believe I was wrong. Well now look.. he hasnt even been online for a week or more, and I was right about it. My guides always look out for me. I should have just deleted his name from my buddylist..he like a slick salesman, is too far away and too filled with fibs to ever take seriously. I am tired of waiting for fun to happen. Why SHOULD I? Lifes too short!
Then this new age guy who CLAIMS not to be new age, and talks about nothing but GOD AND THE LORD AND ONENESS was messaging me a lot about that. Its always a turn off when I get that. Im more metaphysical than ANYONE I know, but I don't go around proselytizing about GOD and the lord and oneness till I want to excrete. This is ridiculous. We all know GOD is GOOD..even tho most people don't know really what GOD is.. thats why so many people are hooked into churches and religions..pass the basket and leave a donation..because youre doing it for GOD..and by the way, can I molest your little boy??? Wheres the priest when you need him.. molesting someone. This guy wasnt religious, but he SURE SOUNDS IT. Which was a huge turn off to me. I am the only one, too, that I know that has had a full blown out spiritual vision..when I was 12, but I certainly am a level headed and down to earth person.. Im not up in the clouds like someone bi polar. My moods are pretty even. As they say, even Jesus had a temper tantrum, he was not perfect.. but then that is because he got so pissed off at the hedonists he found doing everything they werent supposed to do! hahaha.... Everyones a loon, it seems. and yet..and yet..they want to be with someone..and are with noone. I do not want a commmitment as of yet.. but I certainly admit it.
So I blew those men off..because they are freaks and cowards. I have no space in my life.. for a moment!!! For.. a coward.
Friday, June 18, 2004
Exile (~poem~)
Exile
Cold as the northern winds
In December mornings,
Cold is the cry that rings
From this far distant shore
Winter has come too late
Too close beside me
How can I chase away
All these fears deep inside?
I'll wait the signs to come
I'll find a way
I will wait the time to come
I'll find a way home
My light shall be the moon
And my path - the ocean
My guide the morning star
As I sail home to you
I'll wait the signs to come
I'll find a way
I will wait the time to come
I'll find a way home
Who then can warm my soul?
Who can quell my passion?
Out of their dreams - a hoat
I will sail home to you
Cold as the northern winds
In December mornings,
Cold is the cry that rings
From this far distant shore
Winter has come too late
Too close beside me
How can I chase away
All these fears deep inside?
I'll wait the signs to come
I'll find a way
I will wait the time to come
I'll find a way home
My light shall be the moon
And my path - the ocean
My guide the morning star
As I sail home to you
I'll wait the signs to come
I'll find a way
I will wait the time to come
I'll find a way home
Who then can warm my soul?
Who can quell my passion?
Out of their dreams - a hoat
I will sail home to you
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Just to Balance out the posts... I present The True Meaning Of Spirituality
I have to say.. that I am a well balanced person. I was deep in conversation about this today.. we both met his friend who is a very spiritual, warm, caring and loving man who believes that true spirituality comes from meditation. Alhough he loves to laugh.. adores NATURE.. babbling brooks, great mountains, calm contemplative lakes, birds, wholesome foods, fresh air.. ..he judges clubs as negative places to attend, he goes to bed at 10PM and he swears. The day I met him he made many off color "blue" type jokes, that were rude because a lady was present.. (yes, that would be me.. hahaha). I didn't know how to respond. His "idea" of what it means to be "spiritual" comes from the philosophy that there is no judgement or "sin" in words.. and that you cannot offend another, you can only allow yourself to be offended. He didnt tell me this, I just knew this. I agree with this for the most part..however..it needs to be amended.
He said he once heard Howard Stern on the radio. For ten minutes. He called him "a radical". Yet Stern and this man both tell penis jokes.
The problem with that mentality, is that you should at least have the thoughtfulness to know who you are dealing with before you let go with the sexual jokes that are, of course, in context with whatever he was talking about, but I honestly had no interest in hearing about his sex life.. or his ideas about it, his masterbating when he was younger, his "third leg" reference, because I just met him, and understood him to be a simple, traditionally spiritual man.
I also realized very quickly upon meeting him, that he doesn't like to do anything spiritual other than "his own way".. so all other very real and practical uses of psychic phenomenon are disregarded by him because he does not believe that tecniques are necessary. He heals, BUT HIS WAY.. so he invalidates such healing modalities as "Reiki", for instance. There are a series of steps in Reiki that you must follow in order to tap into the river of Reiki energy. Reiki just IS.. its something that exists, but because he would follow a series of steps, this means someone or something is "telling him what to do". He invalidates it by losing interest and not researching the phenomena.
I didnt like this stance.. as I am a hardcore researcher, with a very inquisitive and investigative mind. I use WHAT WORKS. I actually listen, I have an open mind.. not that he didn't, but this insistence that all knowledge is obtained simply by meditating on ones navel is not ALL there is..and believe me, there is so much more... This idea diminuitizes knowledge. Experiencing him.. he seems to think that personal "centeredness" ONLY comes from being in nature, only comes from staying away from tv or being computer illiterate, ONLY COMES from not going to clubs and bars lest you become hyp~NO~tised by the mirrorball.. & instead comes from comtemplating his 3rd leg in meditation at the Realization Fellowship, or in his home, or on the freeway in traffic.
I suppose his idea of proving he's in sync with the "hip-and-with it spiritually well rounded" club means swearing and telling dirty jokes in front of what he called " a beautiful woman who has a sense of humor TOO!". (ha)
Anyway.. I suppose he would also not care for my hypnosis, which is very great and transformative..but he would not appreciate it..because "it would be telling him what to do". ~ lol ~
The other thing that I thought was odd..and off putting .. was that he called me a term of endearment as soon as he met me.. at first I was a little flattered at such homey and endearing pleasantness and instant liking, feeling that he sensed something in me that he didn't find in others .. at least.. so much..... (he is also very touchy, which is off putting brought on so soon.. it doesnt completely feel REAL with someone you don't know).. slightly surprised at such a closeness, I was more surprised at the restaurant to find him calling the waitress the very SAME term of endearment! Even later when I mentioned this to my friend, laughingly, but marveling at this, my friend echoed my thoughts.. "we both thought we were special, till we realized he goes around calling everyone this special term of endearment". (lol)
Don't get me wrong.. this man.. he is loving, he has a warm embrace, BUT.... the DAY I have to stop watching tv, the day when I no longer listen to radio and miss great shows like HOWARD STERN and Art Bell, the day when I have to say LIGHTS OUT at 10pm as though I were in Alcatraz, the day when I can't go to sleep at 3am if I feel like it, the day when I stop going out to clubs and bars because I judgementally think there is nothing good to be had there, the day I finally believe that God is located in a Turtles ASS...(albeit in nature).... is the day I slit my wrists and call myself an atheist.
haha.. well.. I hope you "get" the idea~ ...
I KNOW that spirituality exists EVERYWHERE.. in the day and in the night and in the shadowy halls at 3am.. it exists in the mirrorball at the club, in the throbbing pulsating beat and the silences between a techno tune. It exists in the smile of woman looking at a man.. or at a woman.. it exists in the iridescent sparkles that you put into your hair for a good time on a Saturday night.. the same ones that prelude a prism of unfaltering colors formed into a vision of a rainbow cross.. declaring itself alive and radiant in the air above the grim gray asphalt... a resplendent sight for noone but me..beauty inappropriately juxtaposed between carports, beauty unveiled on my whim..
People..there are more unknowns to be known and more things to be learned in the oddest places than you have ever imagined.. then you can ever imagine.. and to think that spirituality only exists in nature.. in Sedona, in traveling to vortices to catch a ray of illumination, or even in a church, IS THE SINGLE MOST AND GREATEST MISUNDERSTANDING of what it means to be a spirit having a natural human spiritual experience.
To be human means to appreciate whatever time in life you are born into.. life is what you make it and technology is only one more interesting layer to add onto the soul/human experience.. anyone hating their body, longing for death, contemplating their navel and living a life that is not balanced by believing that one must "do this or do that because everyone else is doing it".. or the belief that sex is bad, or that "differences" are negative or unnatural.. all these beliefs stemming from drastic ideas of spirituality or otherwise, is missing the point of life. Life is to be enjoyed for ALL THE GOOD that is available.. and to deny us NOT A THING... NOTHING.
At this point, if you divide up the penis telling jokes between these two men, Howard Stern has GOT to be having more fun.
He said he once heard Howard Stern on the radio. For ten minutes. He called him "a radical". Yet Stern and this man both tell penis jokes.
The problem with that mentality, is that you should at least have the thoughtfulness to know who you are dealing with before you let go with the sexual jokes that are, of course, in context with whatever he was talking about, but I honestly had no interest in hearing about his sex life.. or his ideas about it, his masterbating when he was younger, his "third leg" reference, because I just met him, and understood him to be a simple, traditionally spiritual man.
I also realized very quickly upon meeting him, that he doesn't like to do anything spiritual other than "his own way".. so all other very real and practical uses of psychic phenomenon are disregarded by him because he does not believe that tecniques are necessary. He heals, BUT HIS WAY.. so he invalidates such healing modalities as "Reiki", for instance. There are a series of steps in Reiki that you must follow in order to tap into the river of Reiki energy. Reiki just IS.. its something that exists, but because he would follow a series of steps, this means someone or something is "telling him what to do". He invalidates it by losing interest and not researching the phenomena.
I didnt like this stance.. as I am a hardcore researcher, with a very inquisitive and investigative mind. I use WHAT WORKS. I actually listen, I have an open mind.. not that he didn't, but this insistence that all knowledge is obtained simply by meditating on ones navel is not ALL there is..and believe me, there is so much more... This idea diminuitizes knowledge. Experiencing him.. he seems to think that personal "centeredness" ONLY comes from being in nature, only comes from staying away from tv or being computer illiterate, ONLY COMES from not going to clubs and bars lest you become hyp~NO~tised by the mirrorball.. & instead comes from comtemplating his 3rd leg in meditation at the Realization Fellowship, or in his home, or on the freeway in traffic.
I suppose his idea of proving he's in sync with the "hip-and-with it spiritually well rounded" club means swearing and telling dirty jokes in front of what he called " a beautiful woman who has a sense of humor TOO!". (ha)
Anyway.. I suppose he would also not care for my hypnosis, which is very great and transformative..but he would not appreciate it..because "it would be telling him what to do". ~ lol ~
The other thing that I thought was odd..and off putting .. was that he called me a term of endearment as soon as he met me.. at first I was a little flattered at such homey and endearing pleasantness and instant liking, feeling that he sensed something in me that he didn't find in others .. at least.. so much..... (he is also very touchy, which is off putting brought on so soon.. it doesnt completely feel REAL with someone you don't know).. slightly surprised at such a closeness, I was more surprised at the restaurant to find him calling the waitress the very SAME term of endearment! Even later when I mentioned this to my friend, laughingly, but marveling at this, my friend echoed my thoughts.. "we both thought we were special, till we realized he goes around calling everyone this special term of endearment". (lol)
Don't get me wrong.. this man.. he is loving, he has a warm embrace, BUT.... the DAY I have to stop watching tv, the day when I no longer listen to radio and miss great shows like HOWARD STERN and Art Bell, the day when I have to say LIGHTS OUT at 10pm as though I were in Alcatraz, the day when I can't go to sleep at 3am if I feel like it, the day when I stop going out to clubs and bars because I judgementally think there is nothing good to be had there, the day I finally believe that God is located in a Turtles ASS...(albeit in nature).... is the day I slit my wrists and call myself an atheist.
haha.. well.. I hope you "get" the idea~ ...
I KNOW that spirituality exists EVERYWHERE.. in the day and in the night and in the shadowy halls at 3am.. it exists in the mirrorball at the club, in the throbbing pulsating beat and the silences between a techno tune. It exists in the smile of woman looking at a man.. or at a woman.. it exists in the iridescent sparkles that you put into your hair for a good time on a Saturday night.. the same ones that prelude a prism of unfaltering colors formed into a vision of a rainbow cross.. declaring itself alive and radiant in the air above the grim gray asphalt... a resplendent sight for noone but me..beauty inappropriately juxtaposed between carports, beauty unveiled on my whim..
People..there are more unknowns to be known and more things to be learned in the oddest places than you have ever imagined.. then you can ever imagine.. and to think that spirituality only exists in nature.. in Sedona, in traveling to vortices to catch a ray of illumination, or even in a church, IS THE SINGLE MOST AND GREATEST MISUNDERSTANDING of what it means to be a spirit having a natural human spiritual experience.
To be human means to appreciate whatever time in life you are born into.. life is what you make it and technology is only one more interesting layer to add onto the soul/human experience.. anyone hating their body, longing for death, contemplating their navel and living a life that is not balanced by believing that one must "do this or do that because everyone else is doing it".. or the belief that sex is bad, or that "differences" are negative or unnatural.. all these beliefs stemming from drastic ideas of spirituality or otherwise, is missing the point of life. Life is to be enjoyed for ALL THE GOOD that is available.. and to deny us NOT A THING... NOTHING.
At this point, if you divide up the penis telling jokes between these two men, Howard Stern has GOT to be having more fun.
Totally rude, arrogant creep.. on the phone tonight
The guy who I initially met earlier this year, who I thought was going to be such a great person and friend.. slowly dissolved into his own rude self. I of course, could have seen that coming a mile away, and DID, because of his absences. He sounds like a spoiled, childish, uncaring bitch of a man, who obviously needs to learn a few HARD LESSONS in life. I will GUARANTEE HIM that he meets NOONE of worth unless he changes that disrespectful shallow, disregarding attitude of his. My predications have ALWAYS COME TRUE..and this one is no different. I don't know what the hell happened to him to make him such a shallow transparent prick, but he was warning me of other men, and the whole time I was listening, I knew that the apple wouldn't fall far from his tree. People tend to be like what it is that they know, and this man KNEW most men were "losers". I sensed all along he had the capacity in his own soul to be just as much a loser, just as much a predator as the rest. I called to clear up the air, not to salvage things, but to tell him I didnt appreciate his stupid online remarks. I could hardly get a word in edgewise because he was (immaturely) talking over me. He didnt CARE about what I had to say. (bad sign) he just wanted to ramble incoherently. the man has NO SELF AWARENESS! He is DELUSIONAL. He thinks he's a good person, but because I told him he wasnt nice and that i didnt appreciate what he said, he told me on the phone "well then take a fucking leap". then the non communicating loser hangs up, just to get the last word in, like a woman!
Also, after his rude online comments, he started to message one of my OTHER ONLINE SCREENAMES!!! He thought that was another woman! So that shows he's a playing cheater who can't concentrate on one woman at a time. I mentioned this to one guy and he just calmly said to me "be glad that he did this, because now you know what is his character". No kidding. I told him on the phone that was me, and he was cornered. He didnt know what way to turn, which is why he just cussed me out in the end. A cornered little boy, Not A Man.
The funny thing about this, is that he has to live with his actions, and realize the reason he has NOONE, is that he doesnt know how to treat a woman respectfully. I am merely standing up for my own self and my rights. I don't know where he gets off treating people shabbily, but it will only come back on him, to bite him in the ass. Guaranteed.
Also, after his rude online comments, he started to message one of my OTHER ONLINE SCREENAMES!!! He thought that was another woman! So that shows he's a playing cheater who can't concentrate on one woman at a time. I mentioned this to one guy and he just calmly said to me "be glad that he did this, because now you know what is his character". No kidding. I told him on the phone that was me, and he was cornered. He didnt know what way to turn, which is why he just cussed me out in the end. A cornered little boy, Not A Man.
The funny thing about this, is that he has to live with his actions, and realize the reason he has NOONE, is that he doesnt know how to treat a woman respectfully. I am merely standing up for my own self and my rights. I don't know where he gets off treating people shabbily, but it will only come back on him, to bite him in the ass. Guaranteed.
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Then theres this chiro guy...
Im chatting with him now.. Im dead tired and this guy.. I dont really know him well.. is very cocky and with a very devil may care, shrug you off nature, tells me to call him, or its my loss. What kind of person IS THAT???! Certainly noone that I would feel I would consider a loss if I never spoke to him before! At first I thought he was a nice person, then he vanished,.. without telling me he would leave.. 3 months later, he turns up and helps himself to my number after a long absence and his explanation, for leaving again (this is now the second time he vanishes without telling me he's going to vanish) was that he doesn't even tell all his friends when he's leaving. HELLO! I think he wants MORE than friends!! He crawls up my ass and annoys me. He once said on the phone "I don't feel like I have to IMPRESS YOU". Shit! Then what do I get.. crap? I need to be impressed! Theres precious little out there that seems worth having that is in the form of a male. He admitted that himself too.. and warned me of the predatory nature of man.. yet after telling me that.. a little later he's asking me what I wear to bed at night. Yes.. this is the same guy that asked me if I could help out an "asexual man". I still don't know what that means. Don't you hate it when a person has to CELEBRITY NAME DROP in order to seem important. Yet he CLAIMED he didnt have to "IMPRESS ME". Isn't that an attempt at trying to impress someone? Either way, this is all BULLSHIT. More bullshit and candidly, very little depth and substance. I am way too DEEP to have to sit there and listen to someone who obviously doesnt give a shit, tell me they want me to call them and talk with them on the phone.
So many men have no fucking idea how to talk with a woman, what to say and NOT to say, know when to shut up, know that you shouldnt descend into ugliness..that it says more about them than it does myself. If I want to know a man who is uncaring and bitchy, I'll call a woman whos pms'ing!! Too many fags.. not enough real men!!! Why do I have to put up with these inflictions upon my countenance? Im someone tired and really need to go into king Tuts tomb and sleep the sleep of the dead.. but men like this seem to think they have something provocative to say. This one, and the other few who can't SEEM TO DIVORCE who they are married to, and the one that seems balanced until he, almost immediately asked "Do you have drama in your life?" The only kind of person who has drama in their lives are the people who have to ASK that sort of question. Im sick of ye all!!!!!!! I need to go to a spa and get away from low i.q.'ed, low expectation, DUMB ASS MOTHAFUCKAHS!! (as Chris Rock would say!)
So many men have no fucking idea how to talk with a woman, what to say and NOT to say, know when to shut up, know that you shouldnt descend into ugliness..that it says more about them than it does myself. If I want to know a man who is uncaring and bitchy, I'll call a woman whos pms'ing!! Too many fags.. not enough real men!!! Why do I have to put up with these inflictions upon my countenance? Im someone tired and really need to go into king Tuts tomb and sleep the sleep of the dead.. but men like this seem to think they have something provocative to say. This one, and the other few who can't SEEM TO DIVORCE who they are married to, and the one that seems balanced until he, almost immediately asked "Do you have drama in your life?" The only kind of person who has drama in their lives are the people who have to ASK that sort of question. Im sick of ye all!!!!!!! I need to go to a spa and get away from low i.q.'ed, low expectation, DUMB ASS MOTHAFUCKAHS!! (as Chris Rock would say!)
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Is that you Brutus?
Don't have much time to write.. so many shimmering thoughts, desires, goals to reach, so few elongated moments.. fending off assholes and wrinkles in times. Where art thou man of mine?!.. sublime.. and not into anal.... Im so damn tired.. where is the profundity? Well its coming. Tonight I was actually NOT harrassed by an online jerkwad who wants to have sex with my picture. Noone offered their dick on cam, and no angry metaphysical dude with an inferiority complex challenged my idea of why I think I am not part of the collective. Its been a good night. Yes! it has. Oh and somehow.. one of the women in activeworlds thinks Im hilarious and we would get along famously if ONLY she didnt live 1,243,321,98 miles from me!!!
Monday, June 14, 2004
Truly not
amadeuswashere: I have to tell you something
TrulyNotListening: yes
TrulyNotListening: what?
amadeuswashere: it may or may not mean anything to you, or be understood by you
amadeuswashere: or hit you the way it hits me
amadeuswashere: well I have to be very careful who I expose myself to
amadeuswashere: no jokes please
amadeuswashere: Im in a state where I am vunerable and its too easy to feel damaged
amadeuswashere: by thoughtless acts, words and deeds
amadeuswashere: even those that men SUPPOSEDLY think would not be hurtful
TrulyNotListening: hang in there
amadeuswashere: these days every negative thing that a man does against me only further serves to warn me that I was correct
amadeuswashere: and that I must be very careful
amadeuswashere: but moreso than anything else I have to be careful who I spend time around
TrulyNotListening: true
amadeuswashere: I dont want to spend time with a man who just wants sex and will DUMP ME if he doesn't think "We fit right"
TrulyNotListening: I am trying to rebuild sections of my life right now
amadeuswashere: or something like that..whatever his explanation is
amadeuswashere: yeah well who isnt
TrulyNotListening: I am creating a lot of spin and getting nothing accomplished
amadeuswashere: I just feel that i was reckless in my choices of who to spend time with, who to talk and share with, who to use the time I have left in my life
amadeuswashere: well thats what I feel like im spinning on a bike that has no chain
TrulyNotListening: so true
amadeuswashere: if I spend good time ..chunks of my available time on people who just move on too fast when I thought we were building something
amadeuswashere: how many times must i have to go through this?
amadeuswashere: I don't want to keep experiencing it over and OVER again
TrulyNotListening: I know...hey I am getting outta here for the night
amadeuswashere: and have no reassurances from the other person.. is worse
amadeuswashere: running away?
TrulyNotListening: No...need to sleep...just like u need to
amadeuswashere: I had something extremely important to tell you
TrulyNotListening: ok...
amadeuswashere: this is my point
amadeuswashere: its what Im talking about
amadeuswashere: I have to be very careful who I "share" my feelings with
amadeuswashere: maybe you should re-read this when you arent as tired
amadeuswashere: but even if I am tired, I know how i am, and what I truly want
amadeuswashere: I dont want to be fucked with
amadeuswashere: thats number one
amadeuswashere: and I feel i was fucked with
amadeuswashere: Its harder to trust
amadeuswashere: I was getting to know you
amadeuswashere: and I was going to meet you
TrulyNotListening: Keep the faith
amadeuswashere: but you just went away
amadeuswashere: its not me that went away, it was YOU
TrulyNotListening: That's why I am trying to get a handle on my life right now
amadeuswashere: I have the faith
amadeuswashere: Why are you trying to do that.. what FOR?
TrulyNotListening: I need some realignment...no focus
amadeuswashere: why havent you found that?
amadeuswashere: whats stopping u?
TrulyNotListening: too busy doing everything and accomplishing nothing
TrulyNotListening: yes
TrulyNotListening: what?
amadeuswashere: it may or may not mean anything to you, or be understood by you
amadeuswashere: or hit you the way it hits me
amadeuswashere: well I have to be very careful who I expose myself to
amadeuswashere: no jokes please
amadeuswashere: Im in a state where I am vunerable and its too easy to feel damaged
amadeuswashere: by thoughtless acts, words and deeds
amadeuswashere: even those that men SUPPOSEDLY think would not be hurtful
TrulyNotListening: hang in there
amadeuswashere: these days every negative thing that a man does against me only further serves to warn me that I was correct
amadeuswashere: and that I must be very careful
amadeuswashere: but moreso than anything else I have to be careful who I spend time around
TrulyNotListening: true
amadeuswashere: I dont want to spend time with a man who just wants sex and will DUMP ME if he doesn't think "We fit right"
TrulyNotListening: I am trying to rebuild sections of my life right now
amadeuswashere: or something like that..whatever his explanation is
amadeuswashere: yeah well who isnt
TrulyNotListening: I am creating a lot of spin and getting nothing accomplished
amadeuswashere: I just feel that i was reckless in my choices of who to spend time with, who to talk and share with, who to use the time I have left in my life
amadeuswashere: well thats what I feel like im spinning on a bike that has no chain
TrulyNotListening: so true
amadeuswashere: if I spend good time ..chunks of my available time on people who just move on too fast when I thought we were building something
amadeuswashere: how many times must i have to go through this?
amadeuswashere: I don't want to keep experiencing it over and OVER again
TrulyNotListening: I know...hey I am getting outta here for the night
amadeuswashere: and have no reassurances from the other person.. is worse
amadeuswashere: running away?
TrulyNotListening: No...need to sleep...just like u need to
amadeuswashere: I had something extremely important to tell you
TrulyNotListening: ok...
amadeuswashere: this is my point
amadeuswashere: its what Im talking about
amadeuswashere: I have to be very careful who I "share" my feelings with
amadeuswashere: maybe you should re-read this when you arent as tired
amadeuswashere: but even if I am tired, I know how i am, and what I truly want
amadeuswashere: I dont want to be fucked with
amadeuswashere: thats number one
amadeuswashere: and I feel i was fucked with
amadeuswashere: Its harder to trust
amadeuswashere: I was getting to know you
amadeuswashere: and I was going to meet you
TrulyNotListening: Keep the faith
amadeuswashere: but you just went away
amadeuswashere: its not me that went away, it was YOU
TrulyNotListening: That's why I am trying to get a handle on my life right now
amadeuswashere: I have the faith
amadeuswashere: Why are you trying to do that.. what FOR?
TrulyNotListening: I need some realignment...no focus
amadeuswashere: why havent you found that?
amadeuswashere: whats stopping u?
TrulyNotListening: too busy doing everything and accomplishing nothing
A study in Mediocrity
Im really tired tonight.. my head is swimming a bit. I know I must go to bed soon. I did a five hour online hypnosis session on Sunday and Im still paying for it. The session did not end until 7am.. it threw off the rest of my day. I am glad to help, improve, heal and inspire..but must remember to take care of "me". (after all noone else will)
Getting to know some new "online men". More cops are responding to that ad. Why, I know not. (therefore I don't know..lol) Sick of LOL'ing when Im really LI. (laughing inside)
My dream came true as did my meditation. I met a man online who matches the names that I got during these states of reverie. Talk about great. I dont know what happened to my friend Talmadge, he is supposed to contact me for some massive, major hypnotic JIMSUM OOGGA BOOGA OYE COMO VA oy mommi hypno fantastica!!!! BUT HE SEEMS to have dropped off this planet.. as so many do..... Hmmmm
Getting to know some new "online men". More cops are responding to that ad. Why, I know not. (therefore I don't know..lol) Sick of LOL'ing when Im really LI. (laughing inside)
My dream came true as did my meditation. I met a man online who matches the names that I got during these states of reverie. Talk about great. I dont know what happened to my friend Talmadge, he is supposed to contact me for some massive, major hypnotic JIMSUM OOGGA BOOGA OYE COMO VA oy mommi hypno fantastica!!!! BUT HE SEEMS to have dropped off this planet.. as so many do..... Hmmmm
Saturday, June 12, 2004
Experiences with online men
One only wonders if the "Online male" is the same male you see walking down the street, in your office, at Starbucks, and seen anywhere else on the face of this globe. Many professional men abhor the net, and are quick to tell me, from having answered my personal, that they are NOT the typical online male, that they DO NOT chat online, and they are "very very busy busy" men. All this sounds very insecure as they repeat that they do not want to have anything to do with being lumped into that twisting human pile of predatory snakes that is the typical male. The wanton, confused, insecure hummingbird pollenating the online flowers.
What is more odious than someone overly confident? You've got to wonder what they are hiding. Noone can be THAT confident. I would never want to be that fake. There is this guy I recently met online, he claimed he wasn't "like other men" (something I hear pretty often) and proceeded to tell me how men are, as if I were totally naive and had to be informed. He continued to tell me of these predators, and later on in the phone conversation, he HIMSELF began to ask me what I wore to bed at night! He asked many inappropriate queries. I happen to have a sarcastic at times, racous humor..and I wasn't sure if he was joking or serious. While it was happening, I played it off as a joke. He made other off color comments such as "could you help out an asexual man?". I didnt know what he meant at the time.. later I wondered if he was referring to himself. I know he had been celibate for a while. By the time I hung up the phone, I was angry. I don't feel I DESERVE this sort of shabby treament. Im a woman of virtue, class and deserve to be respected. There seems to be too many sharks out there. Sometimes my humor is easy to see as blue, and I think many men play on that.. and twist it so that they can insert a lascivious question. Personally, Im fed UP with dealing with these mental midgets. Im not taking it anymore!!!
What is more odious than someone overly confident? You've got to wonder what they are hiding. Noone can be THAT confident. I would never want to be that fake. There is this guy I recently met online, he claimed he wasn't "like other men" (something I hear pretty often) and proceeded to tell me how men are, as if I were totally naive and had to be informed. He continued to tell me of these predators, and later on in the phone conversation, he HIMSELF began to ask me what I wore to bed at night! He asked many inappropriate queries. I happen to have a sarcastic at times, racous humor..and I wasn't sure if he was joking or serious. While it was happening, I played it off as a joke. He made other off color comments such as "could you help out an asexual man?". I didnt know what he meant at the time.. later I wondered if he was referring to himself. I know he had been celibate for a while. By the time I hung up the phone, I was angry. I don't feel I DESERVE this sort of shabby treament. Im a woman of virtue, class and deserve to be respected. There seems to be too many sharks out there. Sometimes my humor is easy to see as blue, and I think many men play on that.. and twist it so that they can insert a lascivious question. Personally, Im fed UP with dealing with these mental midgets. Im not taking it anymore!!!
I guess you can't publish photos here. Hmm.. I think.
The subject is men. I am a woman.. I am beginning to think that men and women arent even remotely compatible with each other and there is a massive brainwashing at hand. Many important things that women feel are profoundly integral to their happiness are deemed stupid, and sometimes superficial by many men. Noone seems to understand the art and grace that is involved and enmeshed in the skill of conversation. One must not disacknowledge another when there is a problem at hand. When a woman is very direct and tells her friend or partner what is bothering her, the other person ought not become defensive, but agree to resolve the situation. When the man does nothing and continues the bad behavior, in many cases you are left with NO choices but to simply "move on" and away from that individual. Its best to pay close attention to the little signs and clues at the beginning of the friendship or relationship. I should say "relationship" to cover any sort of interpersonal communication that is friendly and supportive, but have to at times distinguish between co-worker, acquaintance, shopkeeper, friend, booty call, boyfriend/girlfriend, and wife/husband. (more later)
Next chapter: Oh what to do on this boring day. Go shopping or talk about assholes. Next!
The subject is men. I am a woman.. I am beginning to think that men and women arent even remotely compatible with each other and there is a massive brainwashing at hand. Many important things that women feel are profoundly integral to their happiness are deemed stupid, and sometimes superficial by many men. Noone seems to understand the art and grace that is involved and enmeshed in the skill of conversation. One must not disacknowledge another when there is a problem at hand. When a woman is very direct and tells her friend or partner what is bothering her, the other person ought not become defensive, but agree to resolve the situation. When the man does nothing and continues the bad behavior, in many cases you are left with NO choices but to simply "move on" and away from that individual. Its best to pay close attention to the little signs and clues at the beginning of the friendship or relationship. I should say "relationship" to cover any sort of interpersonal communication that is friendly and supportive, but have to at times distinguish between co-worker, acquaintance, shopkeeper, friend, booty call, boyfriend/girlfriend, and wife/husband. (more later)
Next chapter: Oh what to do on this boring day. Go shopping or talk about assholes. Next!
This is how we do it..do it
So I was looking for a preponderance of information on the web.. typing in various goofy phrases into yahoo search fields.. when I happened upon some poor girls depressive blog about her inane youth and melodramatic life. "Kids really suck these days" I thought to myself... remembering how they have sex younger than ever and go on the pill so quickly. Then I reflected upon my own "youth" and knew I had the stamina to wait to have sex till the age of 24. After a while it became a test of my own inner strength. Obviously noone could influence or affect me to have sex, and the longer I waited, the more interesting it got for me.
I hope to write out my thoughts.. to establish some sort of clearing in my mind. I will simply write out what I am thinking.. my thoughts on a plethora of subject matter.. most of it paranormal I imagine. I should call this "Blog" the X files.. (smiles)
I hope to write out my thoughts.. to establish some sort of clearing in my mind. I will simply write out what I am thinking.. my thoughts on a plethora of subject matter.. most of it paranormal I imagine. I should call this "Blog" the X files.. (smiles)
