I was so exhausted last night

That when I got home, I went to bed and crashed. The next time I woke up, the next day, it was 11am. I knew the DSL guy was coming after 1pm sometime.. so I had my alarm set already. Just as I predicted, he found nothing wrong with my DSL. Gee, I should have bet money on that. I was so correct. That did not, however, help my situatino of not having cable for weeks on end.

Now Im tired again.. and its almost 7pm.. The movie Bladerunner is on..and has been playing in the background.. its a weird movie and I never see the whole thing. All's I's knows, is the last time I saw it, it was 1986 and some guy I briefly dated kept calling sean young's character "pretty", but in a real creepy voice. Kinda like Vinnie on Howards show. This was Kevins fav movie. Wherever he is now..who the hell knows. He fancied himself a photographer. also, all's I's knows, is that in this movie, this was the LAST TIME Harrison Ford was ever goodlooking. He looks like a death warmed over corpse these days. I visited my sisters at the shop, returned some pants, worked out a little, thought of calling Jeff in S.C... then wondered why it was always up to me to call him, so fluffed it off. He really should call me, so that I don't feel like Im doing all the work again. All the thoughtfulness. I don't know what sort of PLANS that man has in for me.. but he's not getting anywhere as long as he stays cheap, thoughtless and depriving me of the amount of thoughtfulness and care I require. He laughs a lot at my jokes, but if he thinks Im the sort of person who will change my mind and think cheap is it for me, he's gonna wake up to reality really FAST. I take care of myself now, and look out for myself now, as I didnt really feel I was doing that before. I need to have my needs met, if I ever want to be with anyone again.

Meantime.. all the dregs of huMANity.. have been messaging me and losing out on becoming my lifelong friend. One guy claimed he'd meet me, and has put me on hold. I DID get a sign about him, and I was so pissed when I heard it, and talked to him about it (something about his having loved asians and I thought it was an asian fetish) I DIDNT want to be with someone like THAT.. and he tried to force me to believe I was wrong. Well now look.. he hasnt even been online for a week or more, and I was right about it. My guides always look out for me. I should have just deleted his name from my buddylist..he like a slick salesman, is too far away and too filled with fibs to ever take seriously. I am tired of waiting for fun to happen. Why SHOULD I? Lifes too short!

Then this new age guy who CLAIMS not to be new age, and talks about nothing but GOD AND THE LORD AND ONENESS was messaging me a lot about that. Its always a turn off when I get that. Im more metaphysical than ANYONE I know, but I don't go around proselytizing about GOD and the lord and oneness till I want to excrete. This is ridiculous. We all know GOD is GOOD..even tho most people don't know really what GOD is.. thats why so many people are hooked into churches and religions..pass the basket and leave a donation..because youre doing it for GOD..and by the way, can I molest your little boy??? Wheres the priest when you need him.. molesting someone. This guy wasnt religious, but he SURE SOUNDS IT. Which was a huge turn off to me. I am the only one, too, that I know that has had a full blown out spiritual vision..when I was 12, but I certainly am a level headed and down to earth person.. Im not up in the clouds like someone bi polar. My moods are pretty even. As they say, even Jesus had a temper tantrum, he was not perfect.. but then that is because he got so pissed off at the hedonists he found doing everything they werent supposed to do! hahaha.... Everyones a loon, it seems. and yet..and yet..they want to be with someone..and are with noone. I do not want a commmitment as of yet.. but I certainly admit it.

So I blew those men off..because they are freaks and cowards. I have no space in my life.. for a moment!!! For.. a coward.