I think this log says what I have to say about this odious subject matter..

mesowolfie: If I hear or read ONE MORE MAN TELL ME HE GOT LAID WHEN HE ALREADY KNEW ME
mesowolfie: I will explode
Sxfrk69: he got laid when he already knew you?
mesowolfie: not only is it disrespectful, its rude as hell to tell me
mesowolfie: SEVERAL
mesowolfie: I was talking about it with my friend in canada
mesowolfie: who ALSO wants me
mesowolfie: but he's too far away anyway
mesowolfie: and he said "perhaps you have some sort of sexual or psychic energy that gets them so fired up, that they reach out for what is available"
mesowolfie: I said "if thats so, Its fucked up" I had to laugh though..
mesowolfie: the fact that they would turn around AND STILL want me, after doing that with another person and telling me about it ...
mesowolfie: I should drop them
Sxfrk69: your the sexual stimulant for men huh?
mesowolfie: makes me feel they didnt even pause to take a shower
mesowolfie: and all sexually dirty.. they, these rogues express interest in me after just being w/ someone else - how classy eh.
mesowolfie: It happened with one woman..named deborah in ontario canada in 1997
mesowolfie: thats when it STARTED
mesowolfie: of course thats around the time I started using the internet
mesowolfie: and she picked someone else over me and chose to meet them and not me and they won and I lost..and it was so devastating to me
mesowolfie: and to this day I still havent met her
mesowolfie: then it happened in 2001 I think, with this guy named rene
mesowolfie: we had known of each other by phone and email for a few months, and he seemed just like what I wanted, and he was attractive to me
mesowolfie: and we planned on meeting in jan. of the new year..but he went to a PARTY..and met someone named denyyiiece
mesowolfie: who can't spell her name right - I can't remember how its spelled, nor can SHE.
mesowolfie: and altho we arranged to meet, he lied about why he had to cancel
mesowolfie: he canceled on me that NIGHT . To this day I still think she hasnt heard of me, the denyce person!
mesowolfie: His story was that he said his mom needed a gambling intervention. and he had to drive to san diego .. instead he went over to dennnniiiieeeece's house, and had sex no doubt. He never met me after that.
Sxfrk69: so instead of you he was with her
mesowolfie: yeah
mesowolfie: he tried to be friends with me for another yr but I always felt like I was second best
mesowolfie: I felt like he cut the wind right out of me when he did that
mesowolfie: cus i had already had this horrible experience with deborah through the net in '97
mesowolfie: The fact of not MEETING these people was very painful cus it ends up all in your head - and there are so many "unknowns" so many ..loose ends that don't get tied up into a neat bundle of understanding and comprehension.
mesowolfie: and I was the one that wasnt "real" cus he hadn't met me, and she was "REAL" because he met her .. bullshit!
mesowolfie: I predicted it would end, It did... 3 yrs later. cus he hung on for dear life, it was a losing battle,.. I told him, warned him, that you can't have happiness at the expense of hurting someone else -this is now a great understanding..more people should learn this lesson.

mesowolfie: then there was Mike R.
mesowolfie: We were getting along famously!
mesowolfie: I really liked him.. I didnt want to meet him fast because of all that had happened before in the romantic dept. I had met other men before but I wasnt attracted to them. I wanted to be SURE with men ever since those experiences..thats why I take more TIME.
mesowolfie: so guess what happens
mesowolfie: I finally arrange to meet him on a saturday
mesowolfie: and the DAY BEFORE, he goes to a PARTY ---
mesowolfie: and meets a woman who is crazy about him!
mesowolfie: and because he's so insecure of his looks, I get to suffer!
His head gets totally turned around, and he goes for her. He gives her MY NIGHT.. Saturday, and calls me in the morning to cancel on me and tell me about some new chick in his life that he's known for 24 HOURS while hes known me for months!!! I mean, don't I get some fuckin' seniority here at least? FUCK THAT!
mesowolfie: He claims that he will continue being my friend, but he doesnt hold up to his end of the bargain
Sxfrk69: sounds like you just have bad luck
mesowolfie: I predicted it would end, and my friend doug predicts it will end in april because she has someone else
mesowolfie: and it ALL comes true
mesowolfie: nods ..but theres more..haha
mesowolfie: then he COMES BACK
mesowolfie: and now he wants to meet me all over again
mesowolfie: apologizing profusely, asking me to realize that he is "an unattractive man" and a woman who likes him is some kind of anomaly apparently..Im paraphrasing here..
mesowolfie: and this doesnt happen "often" says he..
mesowolfie: but when she was in his life and it was all new, he was so cold to me
mesowolfie: but I still forgave him after that. because I dont have head issues
mesowolfie: like these people do
mesowolfie: so then I meet Leonard, and he is sexy..and passionate but something about him scares me
mesowolfie: so I avoid meeting him right away - and meantime Im getting signs GALORE from my guides about how is right for me...
mesowolfie: So..after a 2-3 week chat hiatus he comes back to inform me he GOT LAID in april!!!!!!!! when I think we had something that was building!
mesowolfie: lol HA!
mesowolfie: pathetic
Sxfrk69: oh well
mesowolfie: Then I met this guy... he's really new.. and I am interested in him.. but I keep it low, cus I want to get to know him first and find out what he's about
mesowolfie: and he just told me HE GOT LAID !!!!!!! I know hate that term!!! lol!!!!
mesowolfie: meantime he answered my personal because of his interest in getting to know ME.
mesowolfie: Ive only known him for a while..
mesowolfie: so whats this all about alfie?
mesowolfie: I mean Im noone's second banana
Sxfrk69: actually it sounds like everyone is getting laid but you..
mesowolfie: yea but only after they meet me . HAHAHA!!!!
Sxfrk69: well not meet just talk to.. HE HE
mesowolfie: Its still meeting me
mesowolfie: they are aware of my existence
mesowolfie: They have my number, they know my pictures, my thoughts
mesowolfie: and we are moving towards something..thats the only reason Im talking to them at all
Sxfrk69: I thought you talked to people for friends as well?
mesowolfie: Im conversing with these people to figure out what it is that we want from each other, and that takes TIME
mesowolfie: I have friendship as the foundation always, yes, of course, but there is always an open window for MORE. I did not place a personal that said "looking for platonic friends only" It says Friendship and more with the right person --
mesowolfie: I always have to have a foundation of friendship, I think that is very healthy
Sxfrk69: ok
Sxfrk69: so if you thought they were only going to be friends and nothing more would you stop talking to them as much?
mesowolfie: It doesnt mean I want to have sex with my friends..because I dont believe in having sex with friends, I dont believe that you should be attracted to your friends, or else there is the possibility of it becoming more later at times which might be dangerous for someone or someone else involved. Ive been through all that so thats how I know
Sxfrk69: ok
mesowolfie: Of course not! I always value my friends. I would love to go places with them, do things, have stimulating conversations. I need to be mentally stimulated, thats very important to me.
mesowolfie: You see what you describe is someone that is a user
mesowolfie: I dont talk to people just to get something out of them
mesowolfie: If I could find someone that would value me for the soul and person I am.. then everything else is just..frosting
Sxfrk69: there are plenty of those out there
mesowolfie: some people actually believe that people on the internet are "less than" someone you would meet anywhere else
mesowolfie: but these are the same people u would find anywhere
mesowolfie: I hate the term "getting laid" the only reason I use the term, is that I am making fun of those that use the term
mesowolfie: and Ive been saying it all day, but in an impersonation of some horny dude
mesowolfie: cus the whole things become a joke.. I was cracking up a friend on the phone
mesowolfie: it became a comedy bit
Sxfrk69: ok
mesowolfie: The main reason it bothers me, is that I feel like its a reflection ON me
mesowolfie: people say "dont feel that way about it" but I can't help it
mesowolfie: since everyone is at the center of their own universe..what do you think Im gonna feel? I mean.. honestly..this is all I know.. to pay ATTENTION.. to the signs and symbols around us.
mesowolfie: This is my small world and these are the men I am encountering in it
mesowolfie: its not good for me
Sxfrk69: well you have to simply find someone who is right for you
mesowolfie: easier written than done